By: Joseph Goldy, CFP®, CDFA® and Zoe Cassotis, professional divorce, family law, and civil mediator
Mediation offers couples a dignified, collaborative path forward when life circumstances require critical legal decisions about their future. As a trained family law mediator, Zoe Cassotis guides New Jersey families through productive conversations that lead to thoughtful, mutually beneficial solutions. Her confidential mediation approach helps people maintain control of their decisions while saving time and money, creating positive outcomes that respect both parties' needs and values.
Going through a divorce is a very emotional process with numerous financial and emotional issues that need resolution to help develop consensus and smooth out post-divorce life.
In New Jersey, the median divorce cost is about $7,000, with average fees ranging from $15,000 to $20,000. While parties can file for divorce without an attorney in New Jersey, missing critical steps could significantly extend the process.
Alternatively, a mediator can be hired to work through parenting, finances, property division, scheduling, religion, education, budgets, tax, and other significant issues. The mediator meets with both parties to discuss and document decisions in a confidential setting. Mediation maintains privacy, unlike court proceedings, where testimony, exhibits, transcripts, and conclusions become public records.
Mediators follow a formal code of ethics and maintain strict confidentiality. If a party needs to disclose sensitive information privately, the mediator can hold a caucus, only sharing information with explicit permission. This process allows parties to express perspectives and emotions more freely than in court. The voluntary nature of mediation enables the exploration of creative solutions while considering nuances.
The mediator incorporates decisions into a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) and may recommend engaging financial, real estate, or other experts when needed. After completion, each party can have their attorney review the MOU. Since both parties have agreed upon post-divorce conditions, the review attorney ensures all critical points are adequately addressed before converting the MOU into a Marital Settlement Agreement for court submission.
For example, arrangements with two children ages 7 and 14 might include one parent becoming the primary residence parent (PPR) with 80% custody. In contrast, the other parent of alternate residence (PAR) provides child and spousal support. Child support considers children's ages and parental income levels. Spousal maintenance depends on marriage length, income levels, lifestyle, and other factors. Tax considerations, such as which parent claims children as dependents, can be negotiated based on income and mutual benefit.
In New Jersey, divorcing parents must contribute to children's post-secondary education. The MOU would specify contribution amounts, frequency, investment types, allowed uses, and tuition limits. Housing and financial arrangements can be renegotiated as children grow and circumstances change. For instance, if an 18-year-old college student finds living with the PAR more convenient, child support can be adjusted accordingly.
Mediation often proves more cost-effective and time-efficient than traditional attorney-driven divorce processes, even in complex and contentious situations. Mediators typically offer more flexible scheduling, including weekend and evening appointments.
Parties can engage attorneys before, during, or after mediation. With mutual consent, attorneys can participate in mediation sessions. If mediation proves unsuccessful, parties can still retain lawyers, often using the draft MOU as a starting point for their divorce agreement.
Those motivated to reach an agreement often find mediation a practical and amicable process. This approach typically results in both parties feeling their beliefs, values, and viewpoints are integrated into the final agreement.
Zoe Cassotis is a divorce, family law, and civil mediator through the New Jersey Association of Professional Mediators (NJAPM), where she currently serves as Marketing Chairperson. She is on the NJ Court Roster for civil mediators. She volunteers as a municipal mediator for the Bergen County Court System and has served on the Mahwah Library Board of Trustees since 2019, including two years as Vice President. Zoe provides career mentorship through the Church of the Presentation in Upper Saddle River.
Joseph Goldy, CFP®, CDFA®, is a wealth advisor and CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ at Highland Financial Advisors, LLC, a fee-only fiduciary wealth advisory firm based in Wayne, New Jersey.
Joe specializes in working with newly independent women because of divorce or losing a spouse. He understands firsthand the value of having a clear financial picture pre- and post-divorce and a plan to restate goals as a single person. When he is not helping clients, Joe enjoys spending time with his two sons outdoors and volunteering to help raise money for Type 1 diabetes organizations.