Family Goal Setting: "The Three Questions Every Frantic Family Should Ask." [Book]

By: Edward J. Leach, CFP®, MBA

"The Three Questions Every Frantic Family Should Ask" is a book by Patrick Lencioni, a renowned author, speaker, and consultant on organizational health. The book aims to help families overcome the stress and anxiety of modern-day family life. Lencioni draws from his extensive experience in organizational health to provide practical insights and tools that families can use to build healthier relationships, communicate better, and achieve greater success in their personal and professional lives. 

I accidentally stumbled upon this book after reading several of Lencioni's business-focused books. With our three daughters getting older and starting after-school activities, camps, etc., we quickly realize the havoc those activities could cause on our schedules and lives. This book was one of the quickest Kindle purchases and downloads in history, and it has helped us design a more thoughtful filter for how we make decisions as a family. 

The three questions that Lencioni suggests families ask are: 

1. What is our family's top priority right now? 

This question helps families identify what's most important to them at a particular moment. For example, if a family member is struggling with a health issue, their top priority might be supporting that person's recovery. Alternatively, if a child is approaching a critical juncture in their academic career, the family's priority might be ensuring they have the support they need to succeed. 

Families can focus their time and energy on what matters most by identifying a top priority rather than feeling overwhelmed by competing demands. 

2. To make that a reality, what are we willing to say no to? 

Once a family has identified its top priority, the next step is determining what they must let go of to achieve it. This might mean saying no to specific commitments, such as extracurricular activities or social events, or scaling back on work hours. 

While it can be challenging to say no, families can focus on what's truly important and avoid spreading themselves too thin. 

3. How can we support each other in living out that priority? 

Finally, families must work together to support each other in achieving their top priorities. Support might mean taking on extra household chores, providing emotional support, or simply being understanding and flexible when unexpected challenges arise. Families can overcome obstacles and achieve their goals by working as a team. 

Many of the answers to these questions may sound obvious – and they are – we just don't ever think about them! "The Three Questions Every Frantic Family Should Ask" has given us a simple yet powerful framework to reduce stress and chaos and focus on what matters most. The concepts in the book are not too dissimilar to what we discuss in client meetings. The ability to prioritize what is most important, focus on what you can control, and learn to say "no."  

Ed Leach, CFP®, MBA is a Partner and Wealth Advisor at HIGHLAND Financial Advisors, LLC in Wayne, NJ, and works directly with clients advising them on their financial planning and investments. Ed’s work focuses on the unique needs of business owners, helping them extract value from their businesses while creating efficiencies in their business and personal financial plans. He is, also, a member of NAPFA which is dedicated to serving fee-only advisors.